It was an intense week. I had an online retreat with my Guru, Siddha Master, Swami Nardanand. Today I also went to the local Govinda Temple for sankirtana yajna, the chanting in group of the Holy Name, with a lecture on how to recognise a genuine Avatara. Kali Yuga started 17/18 february in the year 3102 B.C. but we are in the small golden age period within the greater kali yuga where scriptures are still present. However, in every era enlightenment can be achieved so make the best of it and chant the holy names if you can and go back home, back to Godhead. My astrology claims that I might get married this year, so I hope for a devoted soulmate who is spiritual so that my devotional practice will not be disturbed, otherwise I would rather stay alone and take sannyas. If I would have children, they would only come if they can be raised in Godconsciousness. I always said to my brother Michael that I would only marry a woman named Madeleine or rather stay alone. We’ll see what G-d has planned for Me. I stay in unconditional love. If you truly love someone, you have be willing to set one free in love. If they belong to you, they will return.
Sannyas would be detachment from the world and all worldly desires, but maybe my dharma is different. Eventually in the Vedic system people retire at age 50 and detach from the world and focus more on G-d and scriptures. We’ll see how this evolves. I have full confidence in G-d’s guidance and protection along the Path.
I am rereading the 10 Paramitas from Buddhism. Practicing these virtues keeps one healthy. I suffered enough with the physical body. Practicing these virtues is a path to healing. If doctors could learn, as theosophical writers have long stated, that health is not always gained by giving medicine, but by changing the lifestyle towards a life of morality.
My favorite Rumi quote is this one :
‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.’ – Rumi
I share this quote because I am definately too much traumatized because of what I’ve been through that there is a huge wall around my heart that can hardly feel when love is genuine that I often push it away. Call it self-sabotage. That’s my homework for the coming months. To remove those self-sabotaging habits. I grew up with Nirvana who’s frontman was known for his self-destructing behavior and I am not Kurt, I was once called the Kurt Cobain of Antwerp but I choose a different path. I must heal. I must heal. I must heal. Before I can love.
Amen
Om Tat Sat
Hare Krishna
Leave a Reply